Struggles of an adoptee: Loss

A loss to an adoptee

Let me paint a picture in your mind:

Imagine being in elementary school, let's say 2nd grade. Your teacher gives you an assignment which to many seems like a very innocent class assignment. But, to an adoptee, it's such a hard assignment. You have to add photos of your family, all the way up to your great-great-grandparents. You add in any information that you know about them, the year they were born, the year they died, and if they had any medical problems. You're supposed to put a baby picture of yourself, which to many they're able to do, they have the information about when they were born, the time, and the picture of them as a newborn. But for an adoptee, that's something they'll probably never going to have. 

That's one of the most significant losses that I as an adoptee will face. Depending on when you were adopted and where you were adopted from the information before you were adopted, is completely unknown. I, Cosette, have little to no information on the first 14 months of my life. I don't know who my biological parents are, I don't know if my birthday is the day I was born on, I don't know what my birth mom was craving while she was pregnant with me, I don't even know truly where I was even abandoned. I don't know the first day I started talking, walking, eating whole food. For the most part, it's easy to forget that I don't know anything about the first 14 months of my life. But, every day I still face the struggles of loss that adoption has brought me. 
Going to the doctor is another reminder of the things I don't know as an adoptee. We're asked or we're told to fill out our family medical history. As an adoptee, I can't fill it out. I don't know any of it. Sometimes I get nice people that understand that I don't know it, but sometimes I get rude people who push and push and don't just accept that I don't know the answers to these questions. Usually, I just answer with "I don't know any of it, I'm adopted, don't know my biological parents".

This is just one of the many losses that I as an adoptee have faced. These losses aren't talked about, people don't understand, they don't know. I've learned over time, so many people who don't truly know someone who's adopted only know the positives to adoption, people don't realize that to an adoptee, there are so many struggles and so much loss. 

Cosette Eisenhauer



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